Understanding Trauma: Why Your Past Doesn’t Have to Define Your Future

A Comprehensive Guide from a Trauma Therapist Maryland

As I sat “across” from Emily Sayre Smith during our recent conversation on the Confident Sober Women Podcast, I was struck by something she said that perfectly captures what I see in my practice every single day: “I couldn’t stand the way I felt.” This simple statement encapsulates the heart of trauma – that overwhelming sense of being trapped in feelings and experiences that seem impossible to escape.

Emily’s story of sitting on her bedroom floor at 42 with a gun in her mouth, then finding the strength to choose life and 27 years of sobriety, illustrates something profound about human resilience and the possibility of healing from trauma. Her journey from that moment of desperation to becoming a published author and thriving individual demonstrates what I witness daily in my work as a trauma therapist Maryland – that recovery is not only possible but can lead to a life more fulfilling than we ever imagined.

What It Really Looks Like From A Trauma Therapist In Maryland

Trauma isn’t always the dramatic, life-threatening events we see in movies. While those certainly qualify, trauma can also be:

• Growing up in a household where emotional needs weren’t met
• Experiencing chronic criticism or emotional neglect
• Living with addiction in the family system
• Facing ongoing medical challenges
• Experiencing divorce, job loss, or other major life transitions
• Being raised by parents who were struggling with their own unresolved trauma

In Emily’s case, she described growing up in what looked like a “very lovely family” on the surface – her father was an Episcopal priest, her mother was brilliant – but underneath were “deeply troubled human beings” creating an environment she compared to the movie “Ordinary People”: nice on the surface, but with dark undercurrents.

This is what we call complex trauma or developmental trauma, and it’s incredibly common. Many of my clients in Maryland come to therapy feeling like something is “wrong” with them, not understanding that their struggles are normal responses to abnormal situations they experienced, often in childhood.

The Trauma-Addiction Connection

One of the most significant aspects of Emily’s story that resonates with my work is the connection between trauma and addiction. She eloquently explained why drugs and alcohol become such a relief: “they change the way you feel immediately.” This is the core of what trauma therapists understand about addiction – it’s often a survival mechanism, a way to cope with unbearable emotional pain.

When we experience trauma, our nervous system becomes dysregulated. We might feel constantly on edge, depressed, anxious, or disconnected from ourselves and others. Substances (or other addictive behaviors) can temporarily regulate these overwhelming feelings, which is why addiction and trauma so often go hand in hand.

This understanding completely changes how we approach both trauma and addiction recovery. It’s not about willpower or moral failing – it’s about healing the underlying wounds that created the need for escape in the first place.

How Trauma Lives in Your Body

Here’s something crucial that many people don’t understand: trauma isn’t just a mental or emotional experience. It’s stored in your body at a neurological level. Your brain, particularly areas like the amygdala (your alarm system) and hippocampus (memory center), can become dysregulated by traumatic experiences.

This is why traditional talk therapy, while valuable, often isn’t enough on its own. You can understand intellectually what happened to you and why you react certain ways, but your nervous system might still be stuck in survival mode, constantly scanning for threats that no longer exist.

Practical tip you can use right now: Practice grounding techniques when you feel overwhelmed. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This helps bring your nervous system back to the present moment.

EMDR Therapy: Healing Trauma at the Source

This is where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy becomes incredibly powerful. EMDR doesn’t require you to talk extensively about your trauma, which can sometimes re-traumatize clients. Instead, it uses bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements, but also sounds or tactile sensations) to help your brain process traumatic memories in a new way.

Think of it like this: traumatic memories often get “stuck” in your nervous system, causing you to react as if the danger is still present. EMDR helps these memories get properly filed away in your brain so they become just memories – still there, but no longer controlling your present-moment experience.

In my practice as a trauma therapist maryland, at www.shelbyjohn.com, I’ve seen EMDR create profound shifts for clients dealing with:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Complex trauma from childhood
• Anxiety and panic disorders
• Depression related to traumatic experiences
• Addiction recovery (addressing underlying trauma)
• Grief and loss
• Performance anxiety
• Relationship difficulties rooted in past experiences

EMDR Intensives: Accelerated Healing

Sometimes, traditional weekly therapy sessions aren’t enough. Life circumstances, geographical limitations, or the severity of symptoms might require a more intensive approach. This is where EMDR Intensives come in.

An EMDR Intensive is typically a longer session (3-6 hours) or series of back-to-back sessions that allow for deeper processing without the week-long breaks between sessions. This can be particularly beneficial for:

• Specific traumatic incidents that need focused attention
• Clients who live far from qualified EMDR therapists
• People preparing for major life transitions
• Those who have limited time availability due to work or family obligations
• Individuals who feel “stuck” in traditional therapy

The intensive format allows your brain to maintain the processing momentum without having to “warm up” each week, often leading to faster and more comprehensive healing.

Remote Neurofeedback: Training Your Brain for Resilience

While EMDR works with traumatic memories, neurofeedback works directly with your brain’s electrical activity. Think of it as going to the gym for your brain – you’re literally training your brainwaves to function more optimally.

Remote neurofeedback therapy has revolutionized access to this powerful treatment. Using specialized equipment that I can provide to clients throughout Maryland, you can receive neurofeedback training from the comfort of your own home while I monitor and adjust your protocols remotely.

Neurofeedback is particularly effective for:

• Anxiety and depression
• ADHD symptoms
• Sleep disturbances
• Emotional regulation difficulties
• Addiction recovery support
• Peak performance enhancement
• PTSD symptoms

How it works: Sensors placed on your scalp measure your brainwave activity in real-time. When your brain produces the desired patterns, you receive positive feedback (usually through sounds or visual cues). Over time, your brain learns to produce these healthier patterns naturally.

The beauty of remote neurofeedback is that it removes barriers like travel time and scheduling conflicts, making consistent treatment much more achievable.

Practical Strategies for Trauma Recovery

While professional treatment is often necessary for trauma recovery, there are things you can start doing today to support your healing:

1. Develop Body Awareness

Trauma disconnects us from our bodies. Start paying attention to physical sensations without trying to change them. Notice where you hold tension, how your breathing changes with different emotions, and what helps you feel more grounded.

2. Create Safety in Your Environment

This might mean setting boundaries with toxic people, creating a calming space in your home, or establishing routines that help you feel secure. Emily mentioned the importance of community in her recovery – surrounding yourself with safe, supportive people is crucial.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Many trauma survivors have harsh inner critics. Try speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a dear friend going through the same struggle. Remember that healing isn’t linear – there will be good days and difficult days.

4. Regulate Your Nervous System Daily

This could include:

• Deep breathing exercises
• Gentle movement or yoga
• Spending time in nature
• Creative activities like art or music
• Mindfulness meditation
• Progressive muscle relaxation

5. Honor Your Story

Like Emily, who wrote “Smartass Memoir of a Mouthy Girl,” finding ways to make meaning from your experiences can be incredibly healing. This doesn’t mean you have to write a book – it could be journaling, art, helping others, or simply acknowledging your resilience.

The Neurobiology of Hope

Here’s something fascinating about the brain: it’s neuroplastic, meaning it can change throughout your entire life. The patterns created by trauma aren’t permanent. With the right interventions – whether that’s EMDR, neurofeedback, somatic therapies, or other approaches – your brain can literally rewire itself.

Emily’s story beautifully illustrates this. At her lowest point, she had what she called her “first spiritual experience”: “If I don’t kill myself, anything is possible.” That moment of hope, however small, was the beginning of her brain creating new neural pathways – pathways that led to 27 years of sobriety and a fulfilling life.

This is what I love about being a trauma therapist Maryland – I get to witness these moments of transformation regularly. The brain that once kept you in survival mode can become your greatest ally in creating the life you want.

When to Seek Professional Help

While self-help strategies are valuable, trauma often requires professional intervention. Consider reaching out to a trauma therapist if you’re experiencing:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories
• Persistent anxiety or depression
• Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
• Emotional numbness or disconnection
• Relationship difficulties
• Substance abuse
• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
• Feeling “stuck” despite your best efforts

Remember, seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of wisdom and courage.

The Recovery Journey Continues

One thing Emily emphasized in our podcast conversation was that recovery work never really ends – and she sees this as a blessing, not a burden. Even with 27 years of sobriety and significant personal growth, she continues to do therapy, work on herself, and peel back new layers of understanding.

This perspective is so important for anyone on a healing journey. It’s not about reaching some finish line where you’re “fixed” or “healed.” It’s about developing the tools and resilience to navigate life’s inevitable challenges with greater ease and authenticity.

As Emily put it, she’s finally having “a love affair with herself for the first time in her life.” This is what trauma recovery can offer – not just the absence of symptoms, but a genuine appreciation for who you are and what you’ve survived.

Your Healing Journey Starts Now

Whether you’re just beginning to recognize the impact of trauma in your life or you’ve been working on healing for years, know that it’s never too late to experience profound change. The combination of evidence-based therapies like EMDR, cutting-edge approaches like neurofeedback, and your own commitment to growth can create possibilities you might not even be able to imagine right now.

If you’re in Maryland and struggling with trauma, addiction, or other mental health challenges, I encourage you to explore the resources available at www.shelbyjohn.com. Whether through EMDR therapy, EMDR intensives, or remote neurofeedback, there are paths to healing that can meet you exactly where you are.

And if Emily’s story resonated with you, I encourage you to listen to our full conversation on the Confident Sober Women Podcast. Sometimes hearing someone else’s journey can provide the hope and inspiration we need to take the next step in our own healing.

Remember: your past doesn’t have to define your future. Healing is possible, and you deserve to live a life free from the grip of trauma. Take that first step – your future self will thank you.

---

Ready to begin your healing journey? Visit www.shelbyjohn.com to learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR intensives, and remote neurofeedback options available to clients throughout Maryland and Florida. Download my free guide Is Neurofeedback Therapy Right For You. Don’t let another day pass feeling stuck in patterns that no longer serve you – transformation is possible, and it starts with reaching out.